I did something very stupid this week. I did quite a few stupid things this week, the stupidest of them being that I let my emotions get to me and I didn’t post nor read more than perhaps the daily verse on my Bible app. This past week has been one of the most trying I’ve had in awhile and I am ashamed at myself to think I went this whole time without reading. I had been doing so good, too, and enjoying myself so much. I am going to read tonight. I’m going to read 1 John 1. I don’t know why, it just came to my mind and I’m going with it. I may or may not post about it. I just wanted to use this time to admit to the world (the little world that reads this little blog, at least) that I failed this week. I failed myself, my boyfriend, my friends, and God. Sure, He still loves me but we all know that we can’t go around taking advantage of God’s grace, especially in times like where I find myself right now.
Thankfully this week hasn’t been a total blow. I reconnected with an old friend who is trying to straighten his life up. He even admitted to me last night that he was praying during church. He’s struggling a lot with giving up everything and finding his “happy place” but I believe he is really genuine about wanting to change and I am so excited that he is coming to me and opening up to me about it all. He trusts me with these feelings and decisions he’s making in his life and I really hope and pray that I can be smart enough to keep myself above water and on my own track with the Lord to be able to guide him along.
I guess now I would like to make a sort of public apology/confession to God now.
Lord, I let my anger, frustration, confusion, burst of rebellion and self-reliance, hurt, misuse of adulthood, and so many other things get in the way of Your love for me this week. I took advantage of how much you’ve helped me grow this past year, and especially this past summer, and I blew it all on a few lousy days. I am so sorry, God. I don’t have a clue what got in to me. I guess I lost sight of You and wanted to go off on my own for awhile. That is always a bad idea. I don’t deserve Your mercy and love, but I do hope that this weekend and this coming week will be better and I will continue to grow even more through You, and with Your help. You’re there for me even when I have no one or feel like I have no one. I forget that. Everyone forgets that. But yet You’re still always there. Thank You.